Where I am, there my cats will cling to me.
It would be best to just write about anything until I think of a plan for my blog.
Meet my two cats, Sanji and Soba. They have opposite personalities. Soba acts like a princess – she’s calm, sweet, shy, and liked by everyone. The other one is Sanji, he’s a ginger. You know ginger cats – they’re wild, uncontrollable, and fearless.
Despite the difference, I love them equally. And I feel their affections equally too.
Soba sticks to me like her life depends on it. She likes being close to me and cuddling with me. She sleeps beside me most nights.
Sanji, on the other hand, doesn’t like being touched. At least not by me. He seldom wants to be pet. He likes to be independent and to explore on his own. He shows his affection to me by being wherever I am, at least a meter apart. When he’s awake, he’s always looking at me.
Ever since I got home, where I am, there they will be. When I wake up, when I eat, and before I sleep. Soba right beside me and Sanji across the room. Whenever I get home from the hospital last week, both of them would be at the front door every time I arrive.
Saving Grace
Sanji’s been with me for 2 years now.
There were times in the past that I would only wake up and work because I have to feed Sanji. We lived alone together and he relied on me.
He’s seen me through different seasons and he was used by God in so many ways to teach me about His love and provision.
Now, the Lord uses the two of them. I’ve been rotting emotionally and mentally this week. However unlike before, I don’t have to get up now because my family puts catfood in their trays.
But they’ve been here. With me. As I yearn for and let go of so many things.
The two of them perfectly fit to fill the longings I have.
Committing to God
I thought going home meant that I’ll be back to familiarity and thus, it would bring me comfort.
The only familiarity and comfort I’ve felt was the weather. Everything else seems to be a challenge.
A challenge to let go. Of people. Of plans. Of dreams. A challenge to get back to work and find my old routine. A challenge to commit again.
My cats found it natural to cling to me after I’ve been away for 3 months. Good for them.
“Commit to God” was the word I meditated on today. What does that even mean?
I searched the dictionary for meaning– to carry into action (deliberately), to bind, to entrust.
The Lord asked me to let go of things I held on to so tightly for the past 5 years. I committed all those to Him. Yet, He still asked me to let go.
Now, His word is to commit my work to Him and my purposes (or plans) will be established.
Did I understand the word incorrectly before?
My dear reader, I am not sure how to get on my days anymore. For the past 5 years, I’ve set my heart to plan and make sure that everything in the list gets ticked off. And almost every day, I make sure to have a plan. No days to be wasted.
I couldn’t afford it then.
Then the Lord removed these special plans and goals, committed to Him, one by one. I think I reached a final string last week. When He asked me to let go of this one big thing.
Two big things and a million other things in between.
Except for my cats and best friends (which aren’t mine too lol), I truly feel like I lost everything.
How do I know if my plans and work are from you, Lord? I envy my cats for knowing how to cling to me again.
“Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.”
Proverbs 16:3 ESV
Lord, give me wisdom on how to cling to Your word again.
… Let yourself fall into His arms.
