Broken Pieces
It was a year ago when I couldn’t get a hold of myself because I was so heartbroken to do so. I didn’t know what to hold on to and the bright future which I never lost a glimpse of before suddenly vanished into thin air.
Brokenheartedness is like forgetting how to breathe. You suddenly don’t know something you’ve done your whole life.
Back then, I didn’t understand why I had to go through heartbreak or why I allowed myself to be in such a position if I could’ve just stood firm and didn’t put my walls down.
Ahhh, well. You know there’s an art practice in Japan that when a pottery gets broken, they put gold to stick the pieces together, making it whole again. A more beautiful, more valuable pottery. It’s called Kintsugi.
At the time of my brokenness, I begged the Lord to give me a new identity. Someone that I will be. Writing this, Kintsugi is definitely what God is doing. I was broken to pieces. But God, piece by piece, He’s making me into a new, better, more valuable person.
The Lord gave me 4 new identity, which I am yet to be. Two of those I will share with you, my dear reader.
New Identity
1.) The Lord gave me a word I have never read anywhere yet: Mother of Missions
Out of the 4 new identities that God gave me that afternoon, this one is the hardest to attain, but the most possible. Because 2.) Married. I thought I needed to get married to become a mother.
Recently, I learned about the gift of being single in our class1. Paul wrote in Corinthians that it is better for a person to stay single (1 Corinthians 7:7). How you can focus more on the Lord and serve with contentment. I also learned that in New Testament, there’s not a verse talking about “Be fruitful and multiply”2 referring to physical offspring, instead the focus now is on “Go and make disciples of all nation”3 referring to spiritual offspring.
Going back to these two new identities, I thought it is just a wishful thinking for my mind to cope with the heartbreak. It was Hudson Taylor that came to my mind when I pondered on those words– mother of missions. How can I be a mother of missions if I didn’t have enough background about cross-cultural missions, have a background in Theology, or have any leadership roles that influence a lot of people? Besides that, I’m a woman. But you know, Susan’s (my OMF JP Coordinator) came to my mind while thinking about this. Her sons became missionaries too but then again, what if the Lord don’t give me a child, or don’t give me in marriage?
Receiving a new identity that time gave me so much hope that it’ll get better, but also questions. How can it be? I was single and have nothing to show for in the world.
Eternal Offsprings
In the Old Testament, the focus on covenant blessing was through marriage and children. A person’s legacy is through his bloodline or his offspring. In the New Testament, Jesus offers a unique identity and inheritance to His followers who are called and was gifted singleness.
We see the emphasis of spiritual in the New Testament– battles, properties, and inheritance. Our inheritance now involve spiritual offsprings or children in faith. This opened my mind, ah, I don’t have to give birth to become a mother of missions.
The barren rejoices with more children than the woman with husband. Why? Because the Lord is her Maker, Redeemer and husband & her offspring are not simply physical children. Paul sees this spiritual, New Covenant sense.
Raymond Chan (& Steve Hobson) of SSL Class Notes Module 7.2, IGSL
Slowly but surely, it started to make sense to me. The people I disciple and take care of spiritually are my eternal offsprings. Their names are now written in the book of life and they won’t be snatched by the devil, it is God who holds them.
I don’t have to physically give birth to be a mother of missions. I just have to stay faithful to God and as my Maker, Redeemer, and Husband, He will provide the way for His plans to come to life.
Gift of Adoption
Last thing I want to write about is my desire to adopt. Recently, our church organized an event for Orphan Care Awareness. And not too long ago, I spoke to a brother who was adopted. I was inspired by his story and also his character as a man of God. Through this event and also by my brother’s testimony, God willing, I can to take part in taking care of the orphans too.
We are adopted by God in His family4. And my heart breaks for every child who don’t have a family to go home to, abandoned and rejected. If my heart breaks for such as these, how much more God who loves and made the little children? God willing, I can adopt and also raise children in Christlikeness and they too, will go and make disciples.